LGBTTQ* Parenting

“Oct 1993 Two male flamingos in Rotterdam zoo, which have been in a loving relationship for years, are raising a chick hatched from a fertilized egg given to them by zoo keepers who felt sorry for them after their repeated attempts to steal the eggs from female flamingos.” (Donald, 2003).

Being a mother and having a father who is gay has given me an interest in the issues of Social Policy and LGBTTQ* parenting.  Parenting is an amazing thing and you will never understand just how great it can be until you actually are one.  Most people grow up knowing they want to have a child of their own, it seems to be the natural order of things that once you are an adult you find someone to settle down with and have children.  Then there are some people like me who try not to let society determine their fate and really never thought it was necessary to have children, what did I know I was a selfish teenager.  Then one day I was blessed with the most meaningful thing in my life, the birth of my daughter, and got something I never knew I needed.  I know the feeling of fulfilment in my life from having a child and I would never want to deprive someone of that opportunity.  So in an attempt to defy science, because yes biologically you need a man and a woman to reproduce, LGBTTQ* men and women have found other ways to have children together to fulfil, in my opinion, a basic human need of having a family.  There are many women looking to have artificial insemination (AI) so her and her partner can have a child together or many men and women who would like to adopt the children their partners have from previous relationships and then there is always the option of LGBTTQ* couples to together adopt children to raise (Tasker, 2010).  Sounds like some good options but oh wait unfortunately the world is cursed with people unlike me who think it is perfectly fine to enable such individuals to have a family.  Shocker, there has been a struggle for the LGBTTQ* community to engage in these options with Doctors refusing to perform AI on lesbian couples and laws that prohibit LGBTTQ* people to adopt or even become a foster parent (Donald, 2003).  The community has yet again not gone down without a fight and law suits along with the help of social democratic ideologies have led to changes in these laws.

If there is any government to LGBTTQ* community can turn to for help in my opinion it would be a social democratic one.  Social democracy believes in social justice and social change (Mullaly, 2007) and that is exactly what this issue needs, justice for those couples who want to have a family but cannot and a change in not only the laws but of the people who look down on LGBTTQ* parenting.  Social democrats believe in equality of condition regardless of your social status (Mullaly, 2007) so regardless of being LGBTTQ* or straight everyone should have the same opportunities to have a family.  This ideology believes that the government needs to do whatever it can to promote equality and social justice (Mullaly, 2007) and in areas of the country where there are influences of social democracy that is exactly what is being done.  There are many examples all over the world of these changes but our focus is on Canada and I found many law changes in our country alone on promoting LGBTTQ* parenting.  Ontario now allows lesbian and gay parents to take parental leave even if the child is not their own but they consider the child to be theirs based on the relationship they are in (Donald, 2003).  A study published by the Adoption Council of Canada recommended that whether you are single, married, heterosexual, or homosexual you should be eligible to adopt (Donald, 2003).  The first to go ahead with this recommendation was the BC NDP government which made it policy for same sex couples to be allowed to adopt; which was then followed by Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba and the North West Territories (Donald, 2003).  As of today same sex adoption is legal in 9 provinces and 1 territory.  BC also allows same sex couples the right to child support and the BC human rights council has fined a gynaecologist $3000 for refusing AI on a lesbian couple (Donald, 2003).  As well a fertility clinic in Ottawa has changed policy to allow lesbian couples to AI (Donald, 2003).  And In Toronto lesbians, gays, and bisexuals are able to become foster parents (Donald, 2003).  There have been great improvements but the fact that AI for lesbians and same sex adoption is still not accepted everywhere in Canada is unacceptable to me.  Maybe people with ignorant views on LGBTTQ* parenting just need to be educated and informed then maybe they will realize that there is no point in fighting it.  Besides why are people so worried about LGBTTQ* parenting is it really hurting anyone are these people really just looking out for the children?

I would love to inform these people that in fact children who grow up with same sex couples have substantially better relationships with their parents then children with heterosexual parents (Tasker, 2010).  If these people are looking out for the children then wouldn’t they be encouraging same sex parenting?  Tasker states some factors as to why this may be which include the fact that same sex parents want to protect their children from “homonegativity” so they provide a more warm and nurturing love and the fact that same sex couples plan to have children, it will never be an accident, so they are more prepared for the role of parenting (2010).  There have been many studies on lesbian families; one has shown that they provided equal or greater time spent with their children, parenting skills, and warmth and affection (Biblarz & Savci, 2010).  It has also been found that children of same sex couples to have no differences in the quality of relationships they have or the number of friends they have, no difference in depression levels or age of having sex (Biblarz & Savci, 2010).  So again I ask why this is even an issue, if there are no differences and if certain aspects are even better in same sex parenting then we should make it legal everywhere; there should not be a silly pointless law in the way of someone being a parent.  I know from experience that my father’s sexuality had no impact on whether he was there for me or was not and I see many heterosexual couples that should not be allowed to be parents but they are and there is nobody stopping them. I believe in equality for everyone so hopefully I have reached out to someone somewhere either educating the misinformed or letting someone know I support you and that changes have been made and we will always fight for more. 

Parenting resources for LGBTTQ* families can be found on the Canadian Rainbow Health Coalition (CRHC) website which “is a community-based movement dedicated to improving the emotional, physical, spiritual and mental health and wellness of people who have experienced significant inequities based on our sexual orientation and/or gender identity” (CRHC’s Mission Statement).

Peace and Love

Brittany

References:

Biblarz, T., & Savci, E. (2010). Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Families. Journal of Marriage and Family, 72, 480-497. DOI:10.1111/j.1741-3737.2010.00714.x

CRHC’s Mission Statement (2011). Retrieved October 25, 2011, from http://www.rainbowhealth.ca/english/whatis.html

Donald, C. M. (2003). Adoption Parenting Issues for Lesbians, Gay men, and Bisexuals. Retrieved from http://www.clgro.org/pdf/Adoption_and_Parenting.pdf

Mullaly, R. (2007). The New Structural Social Work (3^rd ED). Don Mills, ON: Oxford University Press.

Shepherd, H. (May, 22). Did You Hear The One About The Gay Flamingos And Their Adopted Chick? [Photograph]. Retrieved from http://www.hilaryshepherd.com/rantsnraves/2007/05/22/gay-flamingos-adopt-chick/  

Tasker, F. (2010). Same sex Parenting and Child Development: Reviewing the Contribution of Parental Gender. Journal of Marriage and Family, 72, 35-40. DOI:10.1111/j.1741-3737.2009.00681.x